I will be with you, always
by TheGuyWriter
Summary: Dean is hurt and in the hospital. Cas wants to stay with him. *not a death fic* Hurt!Dean with some mild Dean/Cas. COMPLETED
1. Chapter 1

Castiel walked down the halls of "memorial james hospital", his trenchoat laying haphazardly across one shoulder. He looked a mess and he knew it, but he didn't care. He had heard Dean was hurt and came down straight from heaven to see him. This Dr. Perkins told him Dean was in room 213 in the ICU. He wasn't sure if Sam was going to be there. Probably. He heard the beeping of heart monitors and the chattering of worried family members. He suddenly felt a surge of anger. Who was going to be there for Dean? Sam is the only family member he had. The door to Deans room was closed. Castiel paused outside for a moment. Was he ready for this? He decided he was and pushed open the door. First thing he saw was Sam; laying his head across the chest of his older brother. When Castiel approached him, Sam looked up with tear filled eyes. "oh Cas, you're here. I didn't know you would come" Sam stood up, he loomed over Castiel. But, he didn't look like a man, he looked like a little boy who had been crushed when his father told him Santa Clause wasn't real. "of course, Sam. I heard the angels speaking, about Dean, and I left right away." He looked at Dean fleetingly, he didn't want his emotions to get the better of him, He was an angel and he had to be calm for Sam.

It was hard not to cry. Dean was hooked up to a multitude of different monitors, and both legs were in casts. His face was blossoming with deep purple bruises. Cas turned his back to Dean, he blinked hard "what have the doctors said?" Sam breathed in sharply "well, they don't know how bad it is until he wakes up, hes been in surgery for the past 4 hours" Castiel bit his cheek "the prognosis Is not good I assume?" Sam shook his head slowly. "they…..they don't think he will ever walk again" Cas faced Sam, he noticed one small tear drip off the end of his nose. "I know what you will ask me. And, I don't think it can be done." Sam sat back down in the chair beside Deans bed. "will you try?" he whispered. Castiel sighed. He looked at Sams frantic worried face, all Sam had was his brother. If Dean never could walk again, it would be the end of their hunting days. But, knowing Dean he would push through and be determined to get back up and try. And if Cas didn't do the same, he would be filled with regrets of this day. "of course, Sam. But, I'm not sure it will do any good. I am warning you not to put all your faith in me. There is only so much an angel can do. Dean has suffered irreparable damage and I'm not sure I can fix it." Sam nodded sadly "I know. Thanks Cas". Castiel walked slowly towards Dean. He placed his hands gently on Deans chest and thigh. A white glow began to form from under Castiels hands. He looked into Deans face and concentrated. He wanted this to work, he prayed to his father it would work. But, he was still filled with doubt. The glow disappeared and he sank to the floor. He could feel the tears flow hot from his eyes. Dean, he thought, please forgive me.

Sam hurried to Castiels side. He put his arms under Castiels and lifted him up. "Cas it wasn't your fault." Sam said, his face glowing. He put his hands on Castiels shoulders. "what happened to Dean…..you couldn't have helped him, Even if you were there." Castiels shoulders slumped and shook with every shuddering breath. "He was so foolish. How could this have happened?" Sam backed away from Cas and stood beside Dean "He went after a rogue vamp." Castiel looked up, his eyes shone with surprise "he didn't….get bit?" Sam shook his head and looked at his brother. "No. she was too strong for him, she threw him against a truck in Bobbys yard. Then she tried to run him over; a lady found him about a mile away from Bobbys, unconscious." Castiel stayed silent. He didn't know how to reply. He was shocked that Dean would be so stupid as to go after a vamp himself. If he had just called Sam, or if Cas knew that he needed help, neither one of them would be standing by Deans body in a hospital. Sam approached Castiel reassuringly "it wasn't your fault" he stressed "If anybody was to take blame it would be me. I knew he was going on a hunt and I should have went with him." Castiel didn't know how to feel at that point, he couldn't blame Sam, there was nothing either one of them could do. Sam and Cas listened to the soft beeping of Deans heart monitor in silence. Sam took a deep breath "I'm gonna go out for a bit, I need some fresh air." He didn't wait for Cas to say anything and Cas didn't make any acknowledgement that Sam had spoke. Cas heard the door thud closed again and jumped a little at the noise. He was alone with Dean.

There was nothing between them, no Sam, doctors or anybody. It was just them. Castiel listened to his own heart beating, it was thumping harder than he thought it would. He sat down in the chair beside Deans bed and scratched his arm uncomfortably. He leaned forward. "Dean?" He whispered. "Please, forgive me. I know I have not been the best friend to you…..we've never been as close as i….i wished we were." He swallowed thickly and continued. "We didn't part on good terms, and If you don't get out of this….state you're in. I will never forgive myself for not saying goodbye to you. I care about you Dean, more than I have ever felt for anybody. And, I'm only saying this now because I am afraid I will never have another chance." He wiped a tear dripping down the side of his face. "I can't tell you how important you are to me. You've taught me compassion, sympathy, love. Even how to drink" He chuckled ruefully at the old memories. A picture of Dean taking him to a bar flashed in his head, Dean was outside holding on to Cas, laughing along to a silent joke. No! cas thought. Too painful. He shook his head to rid himself of the memories. He stared at the ground. He saw his blue eyes stare back at him from his reflection in the slate floor. Please let him wake up; Cas pleaded with himself.

As if on cue, Cas heard the heart monitor beep frantically. He could tell something wasn't right, It was too fast and too close together. He heard the mismatched rhythms radiating from his chest. Cas stood stunned. He tried to scream for help but, no sound was coming. He heard the door swing open and he saw Sam rush to his brothers side. He yelled for help and immediately doctors poured into the tiny room. Sam moved out of the way for the doctors to work on Dean. Cas felt Sam pull him against the wall and pin his shoulder with his hand. "stay here" Sam commanded. Cas could tell his breathing was speeding up, he was hyperventilating. Great, he thought, at least the doctors are in here. After they work on Dean they can help *him*. Sam leaned against the wall. A look of shocked silence on his face. He didn't say anything, Cas could see Sam glancing at him from the corner of his eye. Sam grabbed Castiels arm and they ducked around the doctors and out of the room. The moment they were out and Deans door was closed. Sam rounded on Cas. "What happened in there?" Cas didn't want to tell Sam about the confession he made to Dean. He didn't know how he would react and he didn't want to sound more worried than he was. "I was sitting with him" Cas began "I knew something was wrong, I could hear his heart beating differently, I didn't know what to do. If you didn't show up, I don't think I could've helped him." Sam let go of Castiels arm and searched his face. Cas blushed and avoided his gaze. Sam sighed "Well, I wasn't going to come back. I was going to drive and keep on going. But, I knew Dean would've been there for me. So it was lucky I decided to come back." He put his hand on the door handle "Cas, just stay here. I'm going to find out whats happening" Cas watched him disappear behind the door. It felt like centuries before Sam came back, a look of relief washed over his face. "Its going to be ok. He had a minor heart attack but, he's stable and the doctors seem positive that he's going to recover" Sam smiled in spite of himself, he was still worried but, at least the doctors seem sure that Dean will wake up soon. "They've pumped him full of sedatives. But, it seems that the heart attack kickstarted his system, so it should be tomorrow when he wakes up" Cas smiled too. "I'll wait here then"


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel stared out the window of Deans hospital room. The moon looked so bright tonight, he thought. He propped his head up with his hand and sighed. He heard a rustling sound behind him and turned around quickly only to notice Sam, sleeping in the chair beside Deans bed with his head on his brothers shoulder, had knocked over a fast food bag left there hours ago. Cas slowly approached Sam, he bent down to pick up the bag. He made sure not to make any noise. Sam had a hard day and he didn't want to wake him. Castiel wondered what Sam was dreaming about. He saw a single tear drip onto Deans shoulder and he knew. Castiel turned away. He had experienced what Sam must be feeling. He had brothers as well. Even though he didn't act like the animosity between the angels bothered him, they were his family and he couldn't help but feel a little bit sad.

Cas stood next to the bed, opposite of Sam. He looked down sadly at Deans bruised face. He reached out a hand and stroked his cheek gently; gladly feeling the warmth from his skin; his stubble rubbing against the back of Castiels hand. He turned away from Deans bed and took his place again at the window. He noticed how much traffic occurred at night time; Humans who have a purpose, a place to be, all scrambling to continue their own lives; Completely oblivious that the most important person in Castiels life is laying unconscious in the hospital. It made Cas feel, even as an angel, that he was just one in a couple billion and all alone. There were so many people in this world, why should anyone care about a couple of dying lives? If Cas could, he would save them all and send them to heaven. But, his powers as an angel can only go so far, there are only so many people he can help in a day. Cas pursed his lips in anger and disappointment, he knew he was a sorry excuse for an angel, but, Dean doesn't deserve the same fate. "Cas…?" He heard it, faint at first, but his name echoed softly in the tiny room. His heart skipped a beat. "Cas, is that you?" Castiel turned around, his throat felt tight. Deans sea green eyes were locked on Castiels own sapphire blues. He licked his lips slowly and turned his head towards Sam, who was sleeping. "Sammy" He whispered. "He's had a hard day" Castiel said approaching the bed. He put his hand on Deans other shoulder and squeezed it. "I wouldn't wake him yet." Castiel saw a faint smile on Deans face. "well, I'm glad to know he's here. Both of you." Castiel looked down and sighed. If only Dean truly knew how he felt, how he sat with him in agonizing pain and how he wanted nothing more than to be with him.

"how long have I been out? It feels like forever" Dean chuckled. Castiel didn't answer immediately, he was still marveling at the fact that Dean was ok. Cas smiled sadly "a few days. Sam was really worried about you." He bit his lip "and I was too." He added sheepishly. Dean groaned in pain, he shifted a little in the bed and rubbed his face gently with the back of his hand. "I'm sorry." Dean said finally "I….know I was a dick for going on that hunt by myself. I really wanted to be alone" He frowned "Sam and i…..we were going through some stuff and…I had to get out for a bit." He glanced at his brother, he drew his fingers through Sams thick hair. "I must've scared the devil out of him" He laughed softly to himself. "I don't know why he came though, after what I said to him." Dean suddenly grew sullen, His eyes shone with teary emotion. He let go of Sams hair and drew his hands through his own. "god….I called him a monster and that maybe dad was right about him. Cas, I didn't mean any of it. I just…was caught up in the moment. I couldn't stop. I just kept telling him that he was becoming something that someone like us would kill." He took a shuddering breath, He closed his eyes and Cas saw a tear fall lightly onto the white bedsheets. Cas leaned closer to Dean and wiped the tear from his eye "Sam came because he knew you would have done the same for him. No matter what words were exchanged" He said quietly. He backed away from Dean "I…have to go" Dean opened his eyes, tears still glistening "why?" Cas blinked hard "theres a war in heaven Dean….I have to take care of something. I know you're alright. I'll be back" Cas glanced sadly back at Dean before exciting the room. Dean saw Castiels trenchcoat disappear behind the door. Dean knew Cas was an angel, but he didn't know why Cas would still help those flying monkeys. they weren't good for him. No matter how close Castiel gets to human emotion they reel him back in again. He lay in silence for a few minutes, watching Sam sleep. He was glad Sam was there, and Cas of course. He thought about them both as he drifted off to sleep again.

When he woke up Dean noticed Sam was awake and talking to a doctor. Sams eyes held a deep resignation. Dean couldn't hear what they were talking about but, he figured it wasn't good news. Castiel was leaning against the wall in the corner watching him. Dean could see sadness radiating from his face. Cas didn't say anything. "Sammy!" Dean called. Sams eyes flickered to Deans face, he managed a small smile and walked over to him. The doctor followed. "Dean you're awake." his eyes crinkled in happiness and he gave his brother a hug. Sams shirt felt wet from the tears of last night. But, Dean didn't make any complaints. He squeezed his brother tight enjoying the moment. Castiel watched unhappily. He wished it was him giving the hug, but it wouldn't be right. The angels already had suspicions about his feelings for Dean. Acting out on those feelings would get him kicked out of heaven or worse. The brothers released each other and the doctor took Sams place. "Mr Winchester. I'm glad you are doing great, but i do have some bad news." Dean avoided the doctors gaze as if doing that he wouldn't hear him. "We have tried everything in our power to help you. The surgery went fine but, we still couldn't repair your spinal cord." Dean still turned his head away from them all towards the window. Castiel watched him nervously. Dean sighed "I wont...walk again? is that what your telling me?" The doctor grunted in confirmation "yes. I'm sorry. we tried to repair it as much as we can. But, the best we can hope for, is that you might be able to take baby steps." Sam scratched his head uncomfortably. It was hard to hear this, and to see Deans lack of reaction was harder. "It won't be good in the long run" the doctor continued "you will have to rely on a wheelchair. With physical therapy and the support of your family, the outcome will be much easier to deal with and would give you a fighting chance" Dean finally turned back towards the doctor. "Fine. I take the blame. It was my own fault for this happening. I'll deal with the consequences." He clenched his jaw. Sam threw him a hard look "Dean...you don't have to take any blame. this wasn't your fault, we can get through this, you..." "SAM. don't you dare give me this pity talk." Dean interrupted "I don't want to hear it. I have gotten through many things, and this is just another obstacle i can get around. Drop it." The doctor looked sadly at Dean "well, son, its you're choice what you do. I can't tell you. But, it will be easier on everyone if you just go alone along with it for now." The doctor turned away from Dean. "i need one of you to help Mr Winchester to physical therapy. We would like to start it right away on him" He patted Sam on the shoulder and left the room. Sam shook his head and glanced at Cas "Cas...I need to you to do it. I'm gonna follow this guy, i still have some questions" he didn't say goodbye to Dean or Cas and left after the doctor.

Cas and Dean didn't say anything for what felt like an eternity. The silence was deafening between them. Cas could feel the tension. He could just zap Dean to therapy but, that would draw too much uneeded attention to them. Cas heard the door squeak open and a pretty nurse waltzed in. She pushed a wheelchair in front of her. Cas watched her curiously. She didn't say much to them except the usual polite salutations. Dean watched her too. If he wasn't in the predicament he was in he would've flirted with her eagerly. But, Dean knew he wasn't in the right situation for any of that. She swung Deans legs over the side of the bed but, she couldn't get him up. Dean was avoiding everyones eyes at this point. He knew he couldn't help her in any way, his bottom half was useless. The best he could do was push himself up. "Hey could you help me with him?" Cas heard the nurse, her high voice tinkling like glass. Cas wasn't looking at her, he was looking right at Dean. When he realized she was asking him, he sighed and went to help. Deans green eyes were twinkling at Cas, daring him. Cas slightly pushed the nurse out of the way. He knew he could do it all on his own. He placed his one hand underneath Deans knees, the casts felt uncomfortably rough on Castiels hands. The other hand went under Deans armpits. He didn't expect Dean to help in this at all, But he pushed himself up in into Castiels arms. Castiel felt his heart beating incredibly fast, he felt as if it would explode out of his chest. He was so close to Dean, He could smell his deep musky smell of his cologne and his lips were so close. He swallowed thicky. Stop it! he commanded himself, this is not the time nor the place for this. He placed Dean gently in the wheelchair. The nurse gave him a look of incredulous shock. She didn't complain but, pushed past Cas to unlock the wheels for Dean. "you're taking him to physical therapy right?" She asked. Dean this time answered "yes" with a slight smile. Cas turned his head away from her. She returned the smile to Dean. "ok sugar, you go up the hall to the right, make a left turn and its the second door". She looked at Cas frowning "don't get lost". She turned on her heels and left them alone. Cas gripped the wheelchair handles tight. "You ready Dean?" He asked. Dean laughed heartily "oh yea, ready as i'll ever be." He stopped laughing when Cas pushed Dean into the hall. "That nurse didn't seem to like *you* eh?" Dean mused "I think because you went all macho man with me. You tried to show off" He said with his lips curled into a mischievous grin "you were jealous of her" Dean laughed a throaty laugh then, his rough voice echoing down the hallway. "No" Cas said embarressed. He knew it was the truth, but he could never tell Dean.

"You know..." Dean stopped laughing abruptly "I'm glad your here Cas. You're something special." Cas was quiet, he scanned the rooms on either side of the hall. He felt his hands grow sweaty on the hand grips. "I can't tell you how much you've saved me...you've done something Sammy could never do. I pray to you every night Cas, and you come when i call. Ever since i met you, my life has gotten a little bit easier." Dean sighed, pausing to think "When Sam died, I didn't know how i could go on. But, you stayed with me, and you became a very good friend. One of the best i have ever had. I just want you to know that." Cas could hear Deans breath grow shaky and he could tell he was crying. "you're the most important thing that has ever happened to me Cas...thank you." Cas cocked his head to the side "why are you crying Dean?" Dean laughed lightly "because i'm happy" truth was, he felt calm. For once in his life he was completely at ease with the world. Cas loved him and he felt the same, but that was something that would stay unsaid. Maybe in later years, But, for now Dean enjoyed being in Castiels company. Forever and Always.


End file.
